CRIME DOESN'T PLAY
A woman drives downtown to the library. She parks out front and goes inside. A few minutes later as she stands in the book check-out line she remembers — she left her husband's bagpipes in full view in the back seat! Dropping the books, she runs from the library and out to the street .....
But it's too late. The back window has been totally smashed out and someone has left a second set of bagpipes next to his on the seat!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
WHAT A GUY
It has been said that the definition of a gentleman
is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes,
but doesn't.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TERROR TACTICS
I suppose you have all heard about the terrorists
who captured a bus load of bagpipe players
and threatened to release one each day
until their demands were met!
Monday, November 3, 2008
[Interest] School of Hard Knocks
Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to
'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands
and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to
know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
Report card That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to
'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands
and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to
know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
Report card That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.
[Humor] Erin Go Beer
An e-mail from Ireland
An e-mail from Ireland to all of their brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:
'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why you people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States
On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer, married to another lawyer who can't seem to keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run!
Now..On the other side, you have a nice old war hero, whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married to a good-looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship !!
What in God's name are ya lads thinkin' over in the colonies?
An e-mail from Ireland to all of their brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:
'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why you people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States
On one side, you had a pants wearing female lawyer, married to another lawyer who can't seem to keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer, who goes to the wrong church, who is married to yet another lawyer, who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run!
Now..On the other side, you have a nice old war hero, whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married to a good-looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship !!
What in God's name are ya lads thinkin' over in the colonies?
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