[Humor] Mad For Plaid

HIGHLAND FLINGS

The MacTavish brothers decided that one of their number would go to America and make his fortune, coming back to share with the rest of them. The youngest, Ian, was chosen for this task. Off he went, and he worked hard in America, and earned himself a fortune over a few years, and wired his brothers that he'd be returning with it. When he came back to Scotland he got off the boat, and looked around for his brothers, but could not see anyone who looked familiar. Finally, a group of bearded strangers approached. "Ho, Ian, are ye not knowing yer own brothers?" asked the first one. Then Ian realized his brothers had grown beards.

"Fer heaven's sake, laddies, what would ye be growin' them beards for, now?" he asked.

"We had to, lad, ye took the razor wi' ye!"

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Wee Hughie was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked: ‘Anything I can get you, Hughie?'

No reply.

‘Have you got a last wish, Hughie?'

Faintly, came the answer. . . ‘a wee bit of that boiled ham over yonder.'

‘Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, ‘you know fine that's for the funeral.'

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



ABERDEEN TIPS

SAVE petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.

Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

HOUSEWIVES: I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.

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A woman is looking to re-enter the work force, now that her kids are all grown up. But before applying anywhere she goes tae the doctors' fae a wee physical before takin' oan a new joab. When she returns her hubby notices she's just bustin' wi' pride and all chuffed.

So he said; "What's all this about?"

She said, "I've just been tae the doctors' and he said I've got the body of a twenty year old, and the heart of a 16 year old".

To which her hubby fired back..."What about your 50 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up." She replied.