[Adult] Four Fathers

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'Ialmost had an affair with another woman.'The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then Istopped.'The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You'renot to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's andput $50 in the poor box.'The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked overto the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!'The Irishman replied, 'Yah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and accordingto you, that's the same as putting it in!'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I havesinned.'The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love tome seven times.'The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons intoa glass and then drink the juice.'The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversationensues:Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two collegegirls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of themthree times.'Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'Man: 'What sins?'Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'Man: 'I'm Jewish.'Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'Man: 'I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!'
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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying ... that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"