NEW (AND IMPROVED) LIVING WILL FORM
I, _________ being of sound mind & body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pin head partisan politicians who couldn't pass 9th grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/ hospitals interested in running up bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes & I don't ask for at least 1 of the following: Martini. Margarita, Scotch & soda Bloody Mary, Gin & Tonic, Chardonnay, Steak, Lobster/ crab legs, remote control, bowl of ice cream, sports page, chocolate or sex, it should be presumed I won't get better.
When such determination is reached I instruct my appointed person & attending dr to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, call it a day, call a NOLA jazz funeral band & Lakota holy man to come do their thing at my funeral & ask all my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we had.
Signature: ____________Date: _____
NOTE: I hear in Ireland they have nursing homes with pubs. Patients are happier & have more visitors. Some don't need embalming. If anyone knows the name of this happy place. PLEASE give it to me!
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