[Humor] Fight Club

From The Onion web site
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Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons
WASHINGTON, DC——Autumn, which had been slotted between summer and winter, will be replaced by stifling humidity, constant sunshine, and little precipitation. Study Finds Working At Work Improves Productivity WASHINGTON, DC——The groundbreaking research found that by simply sitting down and doing work, employees can dramatically increase their output of goods and services.
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Child On White House Tour Momentarily Seizes Control Of Nation
WASHINGTON, DC ­——Myers spent much of his reign, which lasted from approximately 2:00 p.m. to 2:15 p.m., spinning in circles in the president's chair. Gerbil Growing Distant TEMPE, AZ ­——"Lately it's almost as if he cares more about burrowing in his wood chips than he does about me," owner Doug Kerlin said.
Pool Cues Go Unused In Disappointing Bar Fight
SIOUX CITY, IA——Patrons of the Clover Leaf Tavern expressed dismay Saturday after a fight between Jeffrey Kline, 32, and James Dougherty, 30, ended without either participant breaking one of the establishment's numerous pool cues over the other's head.
"The whole thing was a big letdown," bartender Kurt Neelan said of the anticlimactic brawl, during which not one person present was thrown through a table or plate glass window, nor threatened with a beer bottle broken on the edge of the bar. "It was all over in about 30 seconds. The least you'd expect is for someone to get slid head-first down the length of the entire bar, or have their face rammed through the jukebox, prompting a wild honky-tonk song."
Witnesses were further dissatisfied later that evening when patron Carl Hume's car failed to explode after an inebriated Hume overturned the vehicle in an attempt to jump a curb in the bar's parking lot.