[Adult] Marriage-Go-Round

I DO, I DON'T?
The 1st Affair
>
>A married man
was having an affair with his secretary.


>One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.


>Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.


>The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes


>


>outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.


>He put on his shoes and drove home.


>'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.


>'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair


with my secretary.


>We had sex all afternoon.'


>She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard!


>You've been playing golf!'


>


>


>The 2nd Affair


>A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters


>but always talked about having a son.


>They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.


>The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.


>The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.


>He was
horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.


>He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this


baby.


>Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!


>Have you been fooling around behind my back?'


>The wife smiled sweetly and replied:


>'Not this time!'


>


>


>The 3rd Affair


>A mortician was working late one night.


>He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about


>


>to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.


>Schwartz had the largest private part


>he had ever seen!


>'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician


>commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated


>with such an impressive private part.


>It must be saved for posterity.'


>So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,


>and took it home 'I have something to show


>you won't believe,' he said to his wife,


>opening his briefcase.


>'My God!'
the wife exclaimed,


>'Schwartz is dead!'


>


>


>The 4th Affair


>A woman was in bed with her lover


>when she heard her husband opening the front door.


>'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'


>She rubbed baby oil all over him,


>then dusted him with talcum powder.


>'Don't move until I tell you,' she said, 'pretend


you're a statue.'


>'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.


>'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,


>'the Smiths bought one and I liked it


>so I got one for us, too.'


>No more was said, not even when they went to bed.


>Around 2 AM the husband got up,


>went to the kitchen and returned


>with a sandwich and a beer.


>'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.


>I stood like that for two days at the Smiths


>and nobody offered me a damned thing.'


>


>


>The 5th Affair


>A man walked
into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.


>'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' 'One Cent?' the


man exclaimed.


>He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak


>and a bottle of w ine?' 'A nickel,' the barman replied.


>'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.


>'Where's the guy who owns this place?'


>The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'


>The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'


>The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing


>to his business down here.'


>


>The 6th Affair


>Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.


>He looked up and said weakly:


>'I have something I must confess.'


>'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.


>'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace.


>I slept with your sister, your best friend,


>her best friend, and your mother!'


>"I know," she replied,


>"now
just rest and let the poison work.'"