[Interest] News Bites

From our friends at The Onion web site:

Dog Breeders Issue Massive Recall Of '07 Pugs WASHINGTON, DC—While pug owners are accustomed to chronic dog malfunction, the latest animals are prone to more than the usual overheating, seizures, and joint failure.Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP DoorSIOUX FALLS, SD—"IHOP has grown weak on powdered sugar and fruity garnishes, forsaking the purity of its original mission," said Lyman, a onetime regular customer. Study: 38 Percent Of People Not Actually Entitled To Their OpinionCHICAGO—In a surprising refutation of the conventional wisdom on opinion entitlement, a study conducted by the University of Chicago's School for Behavioral Science concluded that more than one-third of the U.S. population is neither entitled nor qualified to have opinions."On topics from evolution to the environment to gay marriage to immigration reform, we found that many of the opinions expressed were so off-base and ill-informed that they actually hurt society by being voiced," said chief researcher Professor Mark Fultz, who based the findings on hundreds of telephone, office, and dinner-party conversations compiled over a three-yearperiod. "While people have long asserted that it takes all kinds, our research shows that American society currently has a drastic oversupply of the kinds who don't have any good or worthwhile thoughts whatsoever. We could actually do just fine without them."In 2002, Fultz's team shook the academic world by conclusively proving the existence of both bad ideas during brainstorming and dumb questions during question-and-answer sessions. Trump Quits The Apprentice"I can't knock a guy as successful as he is. The man single-handedly built an empire on nothing but a huge inheritance from his father."— Wendy Halpern, Systems Analyst