[Interest] News You Can't Use

Here's a little bit of humor from our friends at The Onion web site.

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Hallmark Scientists Identify 3 New Human Emotions

KANSAS CITY, MO—The new Hallmark-brand feelings will fill any gaps left by the company's "Thinking of You" and "Just Because" categories. More News » Dept. Of Evil: 'All Of You Must Die'WASHINGTON, DC—The department warned that all necks would feel the steely bite of its soul-thirsty axe as soon as funding is approved.

More News » Professor Sees Parallels Between Things, Other Things

AUSTIN, TX—University of Texas professor Thom Windham once again furthered the cause of human inquiry in a class lecture Monday, as he continued his longtime practice of finding connections between things and other things, pointing out these parallels, and then elaborating on them in detail, campus sources reported.

"By drawing parallels between things and other, entirely different things, I not only further my own studies, but also encourage young minds to develop this comparative methodology in their own work," said Windham, holding his left hand up to represent one thing, then holding his right hand up to represent a separate thing, then bringing his hands together in simulation of a hypothetical synthesis of the two things. "It's not just similarities that are important, though—the differences between things are also worth exploring at length."

Fifteen years ago, Windham was awarded tenure for doing this.

BREAKING NEWS: Televangelist Jerry Falwell Dead"It'll be interesting to see how Jerry Falwell is able to blame the ACLU for this."— Cathy Breger, Systems Analyst