[Interest] Letter To Santa

THE WRITE STUFF

Dear Santa,>>>> I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my >> children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, >> sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade >> tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list >> out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with >> my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room >> between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in thenext 18 years.>>>> Here are my Christmas wishes:>>>> I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,>> which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze;>> but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy >> aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine >> somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.>>>> If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint >> resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a >> television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking >> animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the >> crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.>>>> On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Go,Mom!">> to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight >> and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use>> of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks >> chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off yourbrother,">> because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range >> and can only be heard by the dog.>>>> If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough>> time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the >> luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being >> served in a Styrofoam container.>>>> If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to >> brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare >> ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would >> be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house >> without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organizedcrime family.>>>> Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my >> feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. >> Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and>> come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies>> on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.>>>> Yours Always, MOM>>>> P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep >> my children young enough to believe in Santa.